Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Randomize
