I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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