Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
