A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
