she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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