The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
