Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
