You smell like stripper and shame
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
