I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
