Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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