haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
