Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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