I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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