Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
