some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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