We're facebook friends in real life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
