She is in my trunk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
