I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
