I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
