When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
