Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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