conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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