Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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