I looked at my own cervix.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
