I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
