i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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