Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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