Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize