What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
