she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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