I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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