I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
