As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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