so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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