i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
