Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
