You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
