what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
