Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
