I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
