im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
