summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
