Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
