Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
