Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
