I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
