I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
