eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
