ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
