Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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