i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
