She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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