the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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