I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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