to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
