If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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