So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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