if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
