just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize