Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
