TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
