Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
