Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
