Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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