I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
