I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This baby is an asshole
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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